may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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