T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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