I want to stick my p in your. b.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
