it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize