No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
