It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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