I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
