Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
