What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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