new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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