I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
