I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have tasted many bathrooms
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
