If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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