Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
