just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
pray to the hookup gods
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
