Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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