dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
