You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
