i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
