I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
