rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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