I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
