only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
