I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
