I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize