Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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