she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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