so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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