My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
