she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize