saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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