he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
