I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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