I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
