so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
