i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
