my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
