it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
