It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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