I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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