i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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