So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
