I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
