i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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