I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
