who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
