the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
