It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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