If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
don't judge my taste in strippers
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
