I just saw a hot homeless man
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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