Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
