Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
