I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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