i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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