babies were throwing up all over the place
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
