last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
