I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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