My first STD was from a foam party
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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