we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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