Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
