So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
