His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
