I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
