Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
