well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
