I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
