matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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