"it" just moved
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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