my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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