Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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