WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
