Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
