You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
