Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
