Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
