Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
