I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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