First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
