we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize