so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
