I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
