Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
