i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
