i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
