just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
