Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
