In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
