Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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