I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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