You really coming over, don't trick.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
