My first STD was from a foam party
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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