But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
