WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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